How to overcome fear? Do you really know?

Fear is a human instinct for survival. We wouldn’t survive for long if we couldn’t be afraid. We would be walking into oncoming traffic, handle snakes carelessly, stepping off of rooftops. We’d be hanging out with people with Covid-19. In the course of human evolution people who feared the right things survived to pass their genes to the next generations. So how to overcome fear? well, you don’t need to, fear is good for you.

The fear of losing my ass!

Let me tell you about an interesting story of my childhood. I was 5 then. I had a shaking fear that if I sat on the toilet seat my ass would fall in and be lost forever. As a result, I have a shitty story if you choose to continue reading!

Once I woke up at a midnight, walked into the leaving room, and did my business on the carpet! I was sleepwalking and once I finished I realized my victory.

Now my not so 5-year-old bright mind thought of a solution. My tired mind could purely think of the memory of watching my mom mop the floor. As you guessed I mopped the carpet. And with no surprise, I was horrified with the outcome.

Naturally, I was too tired to clean the mess, and then my reaction was fuck it. I left with rolling up the carpet as the only option. And I don’t need to tell you the rest of the story after my mom found it out.

My fear was so deep that I got mastery in stopping my dump for 3 days sometimes. And when I had to do it I would put on a pair of diapers, go to my “special corner”, turn my back towards everyone and take my time. Eventually, my parents spotted me picked me up, and hauled me to the toilet seat.

Countless tears, inhuman screams but fear didn’t evaporate. My grandma had to hold both my arms for a month before I started going by my own.

how to overcome fear

Why did I have this fear?

It’s quite a simple reason. I tried sitting on the toilet seat once on my own. But being 5 my butt was too small rather I positioned myself incorrectly. So I tipped over falling ass first. That sinking feeling was so intense. I thought that was close “I almost lost my ass!” From that day forward I just couldn’t bring myself to take the risk.

Well, that never happened to me! it just a fiction. I have one more funny story from a fictional book about falling asses you can read if you want.

Top 10 fears that hold people back in life

We no longer fighting or running for our lives in the wild but fear is not an outdated instinct. It still serves the same purpose today. Today we might not run into a lion while carrying water back from the river. Only now, we carry our wallets and valuables and walking down city streets. The decision not to take that shortcut through a deserted alley at midnight comes from the fear that promotes survival. Only the stimuli have changed we are still in danger as we were hundreds of years ago and our fear serves to protect us.

Nowadays people fear so many things to count.

  • Change
  • Loneliness
  • Rejection
  • Failure
  • uncertainty
  • Something bad happening
  • Getting hurt
  • Being judged
  • Inadequacy
  • loss of freedom
fear of height
Fear of height

How to overcome fear in life

Fear is a human emotion. Even the most courageous people in the world have fears to overcome. It doesn’t matter what it is that scares you, learn how to acknowledge, confront, and take ownership of your fear to keep it from holding you back in life.

Start by acknowledging fear

It’s easy to deny or ignore our fears, even to ourselves. Our societies stress the importance of being strong and brave. Unless there is no fear to face there is no courage. You need to accept your feelings while taking the first step towards gaining control over the situation. You can overcome fear by facing it every time it comes your way, and, once you decide to make up your mind, your fears will dissolve away.

Define Source of fear

Understanding the roots of fear is important. Once you know them you can approach your fear it will help you see that you have the power to contain it. If you can clearly see the shape of your fear, you’ll be able to recognize it. Once you recognize it you will know how it is affecting you and handle it more effectively.

Imagine the outcome you desire

Once you completely understand your fear, think about what exactly you want to change. You have your big goal set already you want to overcome your fear but it’s important to set smaller concrete goals to help you get there.  

Don’t confuse fear with fate

If you’re afraid of failure, you might decide that it is your fate not to move away from your hometown, start the catering business you’ve always wanted, or overcome your fear of social interaction. The truth is, you have control over your future. You have the power to determine the path you will pursue. Resist the temptation to hope things turn out for the best. Never ever leave it up to fate.

Try gradual desensitization from fear

Oftentimes we’re afraid of something because we haven’t been exposed to it very much. “Fear of the unknown” is a commonly used phrase to describe the automatic aversion people feel to something that’s different. If you’re afraid of something because it’s a mystery, try exposing yourself to it in small doses until you gain a better understanding and your fear begins to dissipate.

Don’t let other people hold you back

Some people tend to feed you fear for their benefits. Recognize them who tell you that you’re inadequate or incapable of changing. Surround yourself with people who encourage you and want you to overcome your fear to reach your potential.

Change the Way You Think About Fear

Fear for someone can be excitement and even passion for someone else. That’s why people enjoy horror movies, extreme sports and swimming with sharks on vacation. Try to re-frame your fear in a positive way and acknowledge the thrill it can fill you with. You start embrace role of fear in your life once you start seeing fear as a source of energy.

Be Bold

There is Magic in Boldness. Be bold in a good, moral way. It means just do what you need to do and you think it is morally correct. This is probably best suited to conquer social anxiety. Once you start appreciating the magic in the boldness you will certainly bring it into your life.

be fearless
Be fearless

Start seeing fear as an opportunity

Fear can be used as a tool to help us identify and solve problems effectively. It’s a guidepost, a red flag that warns us when something needs our attention. Once the discomfort of the initial wave of fear passed, examine it more closely and see what you can learn.

Let yourself be afraid sometimes

There’s no way to completely eliminate fear from your life. It’s as valid an emotion as joy or sadness. Fear builds character and teaches us how to act with courage. Don’t be hard on yourself if you have a lot of fears. Fear is a natural response to situations that are out of our control, and feeling it just means you’re human.  

Celebrate your victories

Don’t wait untile you completely overcome your fear. Fear will not come to you and give pat on a back for your efforts. Celebrate each milestone, whether you told a story to a group of people at a party or saw a spider and realized you didn’t want to run away or took a trip to a different city by yourself for the first time. And when you see how good it feels to control your fear, you’ll be ready to face the next one.  


If you enjoy watching horror movies you know that fear can be an exciting experience. Roller Coaster rides are scary but a lot of people enjoy the thrill. Most of you never experience poisonous snake bites but when you see a snake it scares the crap out of you. Fear always helped us survive from the stone age till now. But you have to decide which of your fear is rational and which is not. You are awesome; thanks a lot for reading till the end 🙂

Read next: Want to build great habits?

Sanjeev Jikamade

Hello, I’m an experienced mobile developer and a Data Science enthusiast from Mumbai. I have special interest in exploring technological advancements and write about it in my blog. I love reading, mostly about biographies, self help, psychology. You can explore here some blog posts about my reading experiences mixed up with my thoughts about life. Happy Reading :)

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